All those details are fine, but then there's this: at the macro level I didn't communicate what I was intending. The professor looked at the scene and said wow, what a bitch! She's really mean, why is she toying with him so much? I responded that she's not meant to be toying, she's meant to be reassuring. So we looked at my classmates - all guys - and asked what they thought and they all agreed with the prof. I asked them again later when the prof wasn't around because of course that's going to affect what you'll say even if you don't intend it to. They said, well, we knew what you meant because we'd talked about it before ever shooting, but now that he points it out, yeah, she does seem mean.
So I've re-cut it twice. Once with all the other feedback accounted for but all the dialogue as I originally intended. Then the shorter version with the ending reworked to get her more quickly to "I'm pregnant." I'll turn in the short version for class because it's what he wanted and I don't think it wrecks the story to give him what he wanted. Now I'm trying to decide if it's what I want for my official version as well.
It cuts together better than I anticipated considering I chose not to get close ups of Heather at the end. (I did that on purpose at the time, but in hindsight we weren't short on time so I should have gotten it anyway for safety.) So I do think that if you don't know what's missing you won't feel like something is missing. And if it doesn't feel like it's missing then maybe it shouldn't have been there in the first place. Generally speaking shorter is almost always better.
My resistance is that if you go from "I'm shooting blanks" to "I'm pregnant" then the next question has to be "whose baby is it?" That's why I had her trying to reassure him in the first place. So I think, watch the short one first and tell me if you think it feels like something is missing. See if you feel like he should be reacting badly to "I'm pregnant." Then go ahead and watch the long one and tell me where you fall on the bitchy vs reassuring scale.
Short Version
Long Version
First of all: yay, getting to watch so much of your work this weekend. :)
ReplyDeleteSecond: I'm probably not muse use on the is-something-missing question because I know the script, but I wouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that it's not his baby, to be honest. I liked the short version better, actually, although the longer one offers more backstory.
The only thing that seems slightly mean might be her "Are you done", but even that I don't find very mean at all, if at all a bit direct and impatient because she wants to get rid of the news and take his mind of feeling worthless/guilty because THEY ARE PREGNANT no reason he should have to suffer through this any longer.
Overall, I'd prefer the shorter version, because it's more to the point, though it does miss the character insight, which you as a viewer, however, don't need or necessarily expect to enjoy the story as a whole. The Your dad is an asshole is enough backstory to make them more than merely a couple trying to conceive.
I liked the acting and the shots, but the premise leaves me with the question, not "why is she being a bitch?", but rather if they have been trying for a year to get her pregnant and now she is finally pregnant, why does she seem so subdued at beginning of scene and why doesn't she insist right away on happily telling him the news? I couldn't hear the all of the dialogue even with all my settings on the computer turned way up, but I heard enough to leave me that question. When I got pregnant I was jubilant, excited, dying to tell everyone! I suppose people are different, but he did say they've been trying for a year, so I am assuming they want a baby.
ReplyDeleteThe actors and I discussed that actually, why doesn't she go first. None of have families so we were sort of guessing, but decided that she knows once they start talking about the baby that's all they'll talk about for the rest of the day. So when he says he has news she lets him go first because they'll never get back to it if he goes second.
DeleteThanks for the feedback. It's very helpful.
Well done! It is a tough choice, and amazing (for an outsider) to see the difference made in the editing. My reaction changed as the story unfolded. I never thought she was ever bitchy or curt, but how can she keep this news from him for so long while he is suffering so.
ReplyDeleteI'd say I prefer the build up in the longer version, but agree with Theres that that essential story is there in each version. The directing and acting were well done.
Well, clearly I'm over thinking the whole thing as I just got my grade from my professor.
ReplyDeleteBut I still think every project should end with lessons learned because if you're not learning you're not paying attention. So here's what I've learned from Good News/Bad News
1. Always shoot both sides of every line of dialogue. Even if you think this is the shot I want, better to have the other and not need it than need it and not have it. We stood there when shooting the end of the scene and I turned to Aaron (DP) and said this is it, this is how it ends. And I might have stuck with that in the edit. But because we shot it that way I didn't have any choice but to stick with it.
2. Find the balance between letting it breathe and slowing it down. (The cut I didn't post but got graded on dragged a bit.)
3. And apparently, don't over think things. :-)
Still, thanks for all the feedback from everyone. It does help me learn.
Not that my opinion matters, but here's what I think: yes, you were right - he needed to go first with his news. Of course there wouldn't be a movie otherwise, but that's how it would happen in real life anyway. I didn't find her bitchy, but what I found missing was that she never had a sparkle in her eye, like she was trying to let him talk without blurting out her good news. I like the long version better. Without her little speech at the end, yes, the next question would be whose baby, but with it, she is reassuring him that it is his. She should have looked tired but happy at the beginning before he sits down to talk, then subdued when he begins his news, then a little sparkle when he starts talking about percentages, and then you should hear the smile in her voice as she tells her news. I think the problem is more her delivery than your dialogue. He was spot on.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Karen, I like the long version better. And she looks sad instead of happy. I could see the sad face if they weren't trying to get pregnant. But wait, I know that tea kettle whistle...its "Time Dog!" (Ha! its the techies that notice the sfx)
ReplyDelete