A post from the Cape

The trampolines are open. Nothing says summer to me more than that. Not even the end of classes.

I came for the weekend with the dog, the bike, and the Nikon (my old still camera). Between Blue's hart condition and Wilson our walks are not quite as long as they used to be. Still it was so relaxing and happy making. I could take pictures of the dog on the beach Saturday night. I could take pictures of lilacs and bad shots of random birds or the fox on the beach and no one will judge and they don't need to be important or moving or well thought out. Just me and my dog and my camera and the world around me. It's refreshing to have a camera in my hands only for the fun of it.

People have asked me how the committee review meeting went. They tracked me into Director and told me I was an asset to the program so I've said it went well. And by those standards it went well enough. And none of the comments that they made about Take Out on their own pissed me off. No, there wasn't any camera movement. No, I didn't particularly stretch myself with it. And if they weren't sure what the point was then that is a valid comment.

Here are my problems with it all, and what I want to remember when I'm back on their side of the desk again. 1) They clearly had expectations that I didn't meet, in particular with regards to use of camera. However, they never articulated those expectations. I was just supposed to know. And in the entire year I've been here the only time we discussed camera movement at all was once, in Jan's directing class, in the middle of April, well after I was done shooting. So yeah, I'm feeling a little defensive that they're going to ding me for that when most of them never discussed it at all until the film was done and screened.

2) I left that meting feeling less confident in my film and in my abilities generally than when I walked in. Killer just got accepted to another festival. I'm not allowed to say which one until they make the formal announcement, but it's one I like. I did tell Mom and Katie and Karen and Linda privately. Only Linda didn't ask if it was Killer or Take Out. It made me realize that I have no festival plan for Take Out. I left the committee review with the seed planted that it's not really good enough. I need an outside opinion. Though really I owe it to the actors to at least try to get some screenings. That's what they were in it for.

I wish everyone in the film department could take lessons from Debbie. Even when she was pulling out all the problems in a script at the end she always left me with the feeling that I could accomplish anything. And I can't quite articulate how she managed that. I wish I could, for myself as a teacher. I would like to be able to do that for people.

I may have a job. One week of work in June that is likely to be the extent of all my work for the summer. Better than nothing? It will mean I have to drop the film studies class, but I can always take something in the spring. The TA thing in Maine seems to have fallen through which is probably just as well since I wouldn't have been able to say yes. But they contacted me about being an instructor for their Final Cut X class. It's only a week. And I can't take it unless they can reschedule my pre-op appointment. Currently I have the scheduling woman working on that. I'd like to be able to say yes because I still think the Maine folks will be good for contacts and networking. It's not quite what I was hoping for but then the whole summer isn't really going to be what I was hoping for. Nothing to be done about that other than deal.