Writing outlines

I think screenwriting is my favorite class. Once again I walk out feeling really energized and ready to write. Sadly the assignment for this week is to write the outline for our longer film and it's the shorter one that I have better figured out and ready to go. I'm posting the first draft of my outline below. It's due on Thursday preferably or Monday at the outside. I'm having trouble figuring it out so comments and brainstorming will be very welcome. I'm not married to the idea of flashbacks and I'm not sure about Sarah's 3 ideas or the consequences of them.

EDIT: 9 hours later and a bit of brainstorming with 2 different people and some progress has been made. I've posted all the changes below. If you missed the first draft that's probably just as well.

Ghost Tours outline (2)

Introduction of Esther and Sarah

Intercutting between Esther very meticulously adjusting her dress, putting on her hat, gathering her things to present herself as a late 17th Century woman. She is looking in the mirror, assessing herself, making sure everything is just so. At the same time Sarah is at the Ghost Tours booth trying to draw a crowd. Anyone who joins her will learn the history of the town from the town’s true residents. Sarah gathers up a group and leads them to Stop 1: Esther

Esther gives her tour speech

Though a combination of canned speech and answering questions posed by an obnoxious heckling teenager we learn that Esther died there in 1710, but that she considers later murders in the house more gruesome and interesting than her own. She watches the tour continue on next door where Tim is on his own front step ready to give his speech.

Not going out after the tours

When the tours are gone Esther and Tim are both sitting on their front steps watching the world pass. Sarah returns and invites them both out to meet up with the others at a local bar. They decline. She complains that they never come. They continue to decline. She bums a cigarette and a lighter from Tim and absently pockets the lighter. After she rounds the corner Esther waves to Tim and then passes through her front door. Tim waves back and simply disappears. Sarah returns a second later to return the lighter but they are gone.

Sarah confronts Esther about being a ghost

Sarah is sure Esther is really a ghost and confronts her. Esther confirms it, Tim too. She was surprised Sarah had seen her originally as usually she has to want to be seen. Esther is also surprised Sarah hasn't run screaming since that's people's usual reaction. Sarah is too fascinated to be scared. She loves a puzzle and would love to figure out why Esther can’t Move On.

Flashback 1

Esther and her father are fighting because he wants her to marry someone she doesn’t even like and could certainly never love.

Sarah’s first idea

Sarah comes back having done some research, most of which makes Esther and Tim laugh. Sarah has used an iPad and the internet to do the research, which Esther finds confusing, while Tim thinks every new toy is fantastic. Unfortunately, there is no light to go toward, she already knows she’s dead, and Sarah can order Esther to Move On all she wants, Esther isn’t going anywhere. At the end Esther says she hasn’t had a reason to laugh since Goody Lee’s cat got into the flour and left paw prints all over the house.

Sarah’s second idea

Unfinished business? No. A message for a loved one? There haven’t been loved ones in 300 years. Helping strangers? Esther agrees in theory to try to help a stranger, but no one in need of help wanders onto her patch of sidewalk. She does at least convince Tim to stop stealing cigarettes and leaving the teenager in the house to be blamed for it.

Flashback 2

The fight gets physical and he ends up choking her to death to shut her up about wanting to be in love.

Sarah’s third idea

Sage smudging, incense, and candles with an incantation. Sarah is getting frustrated that none of her ideas are working and accuses Esther of not trying. Esther, who is happy for the first time in 300 years says no, she’s not trying. She never thought it would work anyway, but now that she has Tim she has no desire to leave him to centuries of lonelinesslike she has endured. Sarah is angry when she leaves.

Tim’s declaration of love

They are finally able to get close enough to have a conversationwithout Sarah. Tim declares his love for Esther and pushes her to respond in kind. Esther doesn’t, won’t, can’t. She starts by making excuses. He’s too modern. She wouldn’t be a good wife. Ultimately it comes down to she can’t love him. Burned by the rejection Tim disappears.

Flashback 3

Father cuts out her heart, burns it, and then scatters the ashes of it in the pond.

Sarah makes a deal

Sarah comes back to apologize and also to find out why Tim hasn’t been around lately. Esther explains why Tim left and why she won’t ever be able to Move On. The same reason for both, she is incomplete. Sarah thinks that’s nonsense and agrees to stop pushing the Moving On schemes if Esther will just go tell Tim that she loves him.

Esther crosses the street

She starts  by divesting herself of anything modern. If she is going to do this it has to be only as herself. It takes more than a little effort to take that first step off the sidewalk. By the time she's made it half way Tim is waiting for her on his side. When they meet he hugs her and they slowly disappear.