I know, duh, right? I had a reading of Ghost Tours yesterday at a playwrights' workshop. There are a group of people at the Newburyport Actors Studio who workshop new or in progress works by their members every 3rd Saturday. A friend of mine was meant to be presenting some work, but she hadn't finished writing it so she let me take her spot. In the 4 hour course of the session we heard an entire 2 act play, my script which ran about 17 minutes, and 4 works in the 5-10 minute range. They do a reading and then discuss, but they warned me that as stage people they would find it harder to discuss a screenplay.
I'm very happy with how the reading went. they let me record it so just now I closed my eyes and listened again. There are a couple of spots where I think the language can be tweaked to make it easier to say. That was primarily what I was hoping for out of the session: finding the places where it flowed in my head but doesn't flow so well when someone has to actually say it. Only a couple of spots though, I'm pleased with that.
In the discussion there were a few things that came up. Some of it was because of the difference between plays and movies. In the plays that got read I noticed how explicit everything was. The difference between things that got read just sitting in a line as a reading, and things that got a bit of blocking to go with it was really rather small. There's more life once you're up on your feet, but no more information. In a lot of ways, if the audience isn't getting it from the words they aren't getting it. Whereas for me, if I have to resort to words to tell my story then I'm failing as a filmmaker. So there were things that characters say in action rather than in words that some of the group didn't get because they're not used to reading it that way. Fortunately, others did get it. So I'm feeling pretty good there.
Then we talked about the parallel relationships between Tim&Esther and Sarah&Priya. Tim and Esther are meant to be getting together at the end. Someone asked me if Sarah and Priya are as well. I hadn't really been thinking about it that way, though there must be something in how I've written it because they weren't the first people to ask. But then we talked about the parallel between the two couples and I thought maybe I should. I'm going to let that simmer in the back of my brain for a little bit. I don't think the script needs to change that much in either case. I was already planning on saying to whoever plays Tim that he's in love with Esther so he's always checking in with her, looking for her reaction to what he says and does, hoping for her approval. I can just as easily say to whoever plays Priya that she's crushing on Sarah and Sarah is oblivious to it because she's oblivious to almost everything really. I think that will probably be enough for it to be there for those who want to see it, and not for those who don't.
The last thing I need to think about is the moment when Sarah realizes they're both ghosts. It's feeling too abrupt. They are also not the first people to say that. I asked them, is it just that scene feeling abrupt, or do I need to drop more hints along the way? Because in earlier drafts my hints were too obvious so I've been working on pulling that back, but it's possible I've gone too far. I don't want the audience to figure it out on page 4 when Sarah doesn't figure it out until page 13. I want the audience and Sarah to be roughly together on it. But I also definitely don't want the audience to feel like it comes from nowhere, or that Sarah couldn't have figured it out. They thought the hints were fine, just the scene felt abrupt. I think the make or break of that scene is going to be whoever is playing Sarah being able to show the realization happening. At this stage of my game - working with actors inexperienced enough to still be willing to work for free - that might be more than I should ask. I'm thinking about adding in a fast 10 seconds or so montage/flashback of all the hint moments, but this time from a wider perspective camera so that we can see the ghost action happening. I've had that thought in the back of my mind anyway. It wouldn't be hard to do, it would just add a little time to the shooting schedule. I've been resisting because I think a really good actor could make me believe it. I don't know. I'll stew on this as well.
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